Jun
27
The Top 5 Comedians of All Time
Filed Under Blogging
After hearing of George Carlin’s death earlier this week I stated thinking of all the great comedians that have impacted my life through out the years. That led me to think about all the good times with friends laughing and just enjoying time while watching all these truly inspiring guys. I made a very simple image in memory of George, Mitch, and Bill for the end of this article. It was hard to think they are gone now but great to know they will never be forgotten. Oh, and if you only going to read a part of this, skip to the last quote by Bill Hicks at the very bottom. It’s worth it, trust me.
#5 - Chris Rock
I have been a fan of Chris Rock since his HBO special Bigger & Blacker. Rock has one of the funniest and most identifiable stand ups I have seen from any comedian. His take on family, politics, and music will always be classic in my opinion.
People are starving all over the world, what do you mean, “red meat will kill you”? Don’t eat no red meat? No, don’t eat no green meat … if you’re one of the chosen few people in the world lucky enough to get your hands on a steak, bite the shit out of it!
You don’t need no gun control. You know what you need? We need some bullet control. Man, we need to control the bullets, that’s right. I think all bullets should cost $5000. $5000 for a bullet. You know why? ‘Cause if a bullet costs $5000, there’d be no more innocent bystanders. … Every time someone gets shot, people will be like, “Damn, he must have did something.”
#4 - Eddie Izzard
Comedy Central rated Eddie Izzard #75 in the “100 Greatest Stand-ups of All Time”. Obviously I feel Eddie is worthy of a higher ranking. I still remember the first time I saw Eddie’s stand up “Definite Article”where he was dressed in full drag. This of course never bothered me as I found his jokes to be more then hilarious and perfectly in tune with his outfit.
We stole countries with the cunning use of flags. Just sail around the world and stick a flag in. “I claim India for Britain!” And they’re going, “You can’t claim us, we live here! There’s five hundred million of us!” - “Do you have a flag?” - “We don’t need a bloody flag, this is our country, you bastard!” - “No flag, no country! You can’t have one! That’s the rules, that… I’ve just made up.”
#3 - Mitch Hedburg
Now a lot of you might have never heard of Mitch Hedburg before. possibly for one of these two reasons. One, his content pushed more boundaries then any comedian I have ever heard of, besides Bill Hicks, and two, his career was relatively short due to his death in 2005. I can guarantee you though, Mitch had a style of his own that is unlike any comedian out there. You have to check him out if you haven’t already.
“I’ve got an oscillating fan at my house. The fan goes back and forth. It looks like the fan is saying “No”. So I like to ask it questions that a fan would say no to. Do you keep my hair in place? Do you keep my documents in order? Do you have three settings? Liar! My fan fucking lied to me. Now I will pull the pin up. Now you ain’t sayin’ shit.”
If you find yourself lost in the woods, fuck it!, build a house. Well, I was lost but now I live here. I have severely improved my predicament.
You know, I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ‘em later.
My friend said to me, “I think the weather’s trippy.” I said, “No, man, it’s not the weather that’s trippy, perhaps it is the way that we perceive it that is indeed trippy.” Then I thought, “Man, I should’ve just said, ‘Yeah.’”
#2 - George Carlin
If you are into great comedy with more truth then Mother Teresa could swallow, you will love George Carlin. Carlin started doing comedy in the 60’s so you know the guy had some experience under his belt. He is probably the most popular out of all 5 of these guys and probably the most in tune with Bill Hicks also. You can just consider him the #1 comedian of all time also, just for fairness. Check out Georgie’s new HBO special “It’s Bad for Ya”. It’s one of the best stand-ups I have seen in years.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
Religion convinced the world that there’s an invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do. And there’s 10 things he doesn’t want you to do or else you’ll go to a burning place with a lake of fire until the end of eternity. But he loves you! …And he needs money! He’s all powerful, but he can’t handle money!
Here’s another bunch of ignorant shit: school uniforms. Bad theory. The idea that if kids wear uniforms to school it helps keep order. Don’t these schools do enough damage makin’ all these kids think alike? Now they’re gonna make them look alike too? And it’s not a new idea. I first saw it in news reels from the 1930s, but it was hard to understand ’cause the narration was in German!
After the funeral back at the home. “You know I think he’s up there now smiling down at us, and I think he’s pleased.” Now, first of all, there is no, up there, for people to be smiling, down from. Its’ poetic, its quaint, and I guess for superstitious people it provides a little comfort, but it doesn’t exist.
The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.
#1 - Bill Hicks
The reason I chose Bill Hicks for the #1 position is that he is simply my most favorite comedian of all time. Bill was unique. Not just because he was hilarious though. Hicks had a way of adding, shall we say, substance to his comedy. His jokes had more meaning then just the typical dick jokes, but were still dick jokes! Hick’s career was cut short by his early death, still though he is probably the most popular underground comedian to this day.
You ever notice that everyone who believes in creationism looks really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. “I believe God created me in one day.” Yeah, it looks like he rushed it.
The war on drugs to me is absolutely phony; it’s so obviously phony, okay? It’s a war against our civil rights, that’s all it is. They’re using it to make us afraid to go out at night, afraid of each other, so that we lock ourselves in our homes and they get to suspend our rights one by one.
They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you’re high, you can do everything you normally do just as well … you just realize that it’s not worth the fucking effort. There is a difference.
And then I come to find out after that film, that all the lesbian sex scenes … let me repeat that. All the lesbian sex scenes … were cut out of that film because the test audience was turned off by them. Boy, is my thumb not on the pulse of America!
Go back to bed, America. Your government has figured out how it all transpired. Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control again. Here. Here’s American Gladiators. Watch this, shut up. Go back to bed, America. Here is American Gladiators. Here is 56 channels of it! Watch these pituitary retards bang their fucking skulls together and congratulate you on living in the land of freedom. Here you go, America! You are free to do what we tell you! You are free to do what we tell you!
The world is like a ride at an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it, you think it’s real because that’s how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it’s very brightly coloured and it’s very loud and it’s fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question: is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us. They say, “Hey, don’t worry, don’t be afraid ever, because – this is just a ride.” And we … kill those people. “Shut him up. We have a lot invested in this ride. Shut him up. Look at my furrows of worry. Look at my big bank account and my family. This just has to be real.” It’s just a ride. But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok. Jesus, murdered; Martin Luther King, murdered; Malcolm X, murdered; Gandhi, murdered; John Lennon, murdered; Reagan … wounded. But it doesn’t matter, because – it’s just a ride. And we can change it any time we want. It’s only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money. A choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. Here’s what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace.
Technorati Tags: bill hicks, mitch hedburg, george carlin, comedians, jokes, death, quotes, top, greatest, all time
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5 Responses to “The Top 5 Comedians of All Time”
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I personally believe #4 and #3 are backwards, other than that, great list.
VERY WELL POSTED….. VERY GOOD….. YOU HAVE CHOSEN THE GOLDS….. KEEP IT UP…..WE WANT MORE…..
Very nice list. Have you ever heard of Demitri Martin? His acts are very similar to Mitch Hedburg’s. They’re both simplistic, realistic, and extremely funny.
Check him out if you haven’t already. =]
[...] The Top 5 Comedians of All Time I realized today, after hearing of George Carlin’s death, that 3 out of … a commemoration post to these great minds that have forever changed… [...]
Good. All good classics. Very nice list. But I think 5th should be 4th and 4th be 5th. But once again, very nice list!